Cockroaches in my hair

No, that does not happen often. But honestly, I feel like it's one more thing to add to the list this week. Wow, is God testing me. Or more likely, I sure am testing Him.

Do you ever feel like you can't think anymore or breathe until you can write? Write it out? That's how I feel right now. I can't do anything else in this moment but write. I am screaming inside. I crave a release. This post will be all over the place, so I hope you're in the mood to stay with me. A sincere apology to those whose e-mails and messages are being avoided right now for my writing thirst that must be immediately quenched in this way.

Cockroaches in my hair -- Last night, I was leaving the bathroom in the dark, in mid-sleepwalk fashion, and this fast-moving object flew through my hair and brushed my cheek. Not only did it scare me, but it gave me that eerie feeling that makes you squeal and throw a quick fit (which I did). Jerked suddenly awake, I scanned the air around me with my flashlight and saw a cockroach scurrying back up my closet door. Gross. I felt violated. Back to bed for me, a little bit spooked.

Group pic -- Today at school, we had our all-campus and then all-staff photo. This was not announced prior to today, and as life seems to go, I hadn't taken a shower. Well, it was mad chaos (borderline organized chaos) getting everyone together. Ten o'clock recess rolled around -- time to head to the soccer field for the pic. People had forgotten, and I was trying to round up faculty and students here and there assuming we were still taking the picture. Surprisingly, the elementary students were organized first and somewhat patient in waiting for the picture-taking to begin. Of course, when the shutter was going off, no one was truly looking at the camera, and we couldn't really hear the photographer counting 1-2-3 or uno, dos, tres...was he? That should be an interesting product.

HEAT -- Hot as Hades. Wish I was joking or being exaggerative. Good Lord, it is hot. I feel much like my clothes have been painted on, and then they're melting off as the day goes on. Quite a change from last week; Mosaic work team from Ohio took all of the breezy, cooler weather with them when they left. (Come back!...like that's the only reason I wish they were still here.)

Spring Cleaning? -- There is a cubby in the classroom above the amphitheatre that needs cleaning out. Anyone who knows me well, (hey you, reading this), knows I love cleaning out things. I volunteered to clean out this area, and there was a time today that was perfect for such a cleaning break. If I wasn't hot before, I only got hotter smothered without a breeze in the little black hole of a space. This classroom would be placed in the semi-outdoor space category, so there's an open hole to the amphitheatre on one wall. There were spiderwebs; spiders in those webs; rat and bat droppings; mildewed, wet papers; dirt, dust, and more dirt and dust. I was scared to lift up papers and scrap pieces of filthy cardboard fearing what may surprise me from underneath. Thankfully, no such surprises occurred. I'm not finished just yet, but I had a great start. "Accomplished" would be a good word to describe the feeling I love to have when I've cleaned and organized a space. What all was in that hole you ask? A tall file cabinet, a chair, Scrabble, files, papers, candles in glass cups, maracas, a drum, books, carpet mats, a cardboard box of paint, a music CD, and a few other things that all aid in cluttering a space.

Art pictures -- This week, my main project has been taking pictures of students' artwork made throughout the semester, to help catalog and save Doulos students' work. Again, if you know me, you know I would love something like this -- a project, involving art and organization. Yes, please. I love taking pictures and the time alone. I love looking through the beautiful creations Erin has helped them create. It's a good reminder of how much I love photography too. I feel blessed in my internship positions for many reasons. Reason 506: I get to experience lots of different tasks and see so many angles of Doulos, its staff, and students.

Trying me -- That's what life here at Doulos does, mainly because we are lacking so many foreign comforts that are easily found in a US school setting. It's a good lacking, in my opinion. In fact, that's something I'll majorly miss when I go home -- being tried frequently. For my example, I'm referring to my art-picture-cataloging project. I don't have a computer to use and have to therefore wait until a stationary computer is available, or until I'm able to "check out" a library laptop to use. I have to go to and from Jonathan's upstairs loft office to the library in the other building to gather things I need for this project, like the camera. We have one campus camera to use. Oh, you need it right now? Ok, I'll work on this later. Flexibility, my friends. It's a good trait to work on or possess. Trying. The camera angle is slightly funky and doesn't take the picture like I see it in the viewfinder; take 4 for Picture #1. I don't possess memory sticks at school, and we have two-or one-stationary computer to use that has a USB drive available when I do need to use a memory stick. So, yeah. You get the gist.

Talent -- Staying on the whole art-review project theme, these kids have talent! Go, artists, go. Ms. Erin's got it goin' on as far as teaching goes. Talk about creativity and true craftsmanship!

Big A** Fans -- I just heard about this fan company you may be aware of already, but check it out for yourself. They made the fan that spins above check-in at the Santiago airport here. That is one BIG A** fan.

Music -- Thank you, God, for music. He never ceases to lift my spirits with His tunes. Right now, John Coltrane's "Vilia" is playing sweet melodies to my ears. I can feel like I am burning in these flames hot as blue blazes, and then my music transports me to a dreamlike state far, far from here and my feigned misery. What is one of the things I miss most about home? Live music. Concerts. Dancing to live music. Feeling the pluck of a bass's strings in my heart, a piano's soothing and energetic ascension. I could continue to describe, but then I might start crying. I'd say I'm doing fine if that's all that makes me want to cry.

We Wear Giant Capes -- Or so says Ciara, our 5th grade teacher. She described my sweaty mane of thick waves draping my neck perfectly. Hair sometimes feels like a cape. Superheroes look free in their costumes, right? Well, when I am hot, all I feel is trapped and smothered with this cape of hair seemingly tied around my neck throughout the day.

Young Life -- I was so excited to help Tim sing worship at YL club this past Tuesday night. For me, I look forward to those nights so much. I am not a leader and therefore cannot and do not attend clubs regularly; I only go when I am needed for worship. We sang "The Reason," "How to Save a Life," and U2's ballad to God, "Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For." Skits were a riot, the message was powerful and rockin', and kids were abundant. Praise the Lord.

Honest Kiss -- U2's "Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" sings "I have kissed honest lips...but I still haven't found what I'm lookin' for." We are told in Proverbs 24:26 that "An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips." If you've kissed someone, you know how amazing that is. If you haven't, you can imagine. "An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips." How crazy is that?! Honesty is exactly as they say -- refreshing and hard to find. Well, maybe the kissing part isn't hard for you to find, but when it happens is it not great? I don't really give kisses out these days, but I do strive to be honest. I want my life to be an honest picture of walking with Christ. I want my answers to be honest, even when it's painful because as Proverbs tell us, to both parties it really should be like giving -- and I think receiving a kiss on the lips. Honesty. Try on being sexy for size. You know what I mean. There's nothing better than a Godly kind of sexy that has nothing to do with clothes on or off. See Rob Bell's Sex God for more of that bit.

True Rejection -- This is what's on my heart right now. Boy is God breaking me and giving me a reality check -- or a "God-in-my-life-check." In the book we're reading with our Bible study (Beth Moore's "Praying God's Word: Breaking Free From Spiritual Strongholds"), we studied Rejection this week. How powerful of a hold we let that feeling have on our lives. Blech. Ridiculous. They don't like me, I don't look cute, I'm not dating anyone when friends are getting married. LIES. Straight from you know who. Thankfully, God won't and doesn't stand for it. However, we've got to tap into that goodness He gives! I'm also reading this teenage girl book right now (yes, and I don't feel rejected by your thoughts-joke) called Girlfriend, You're a B.A.B.E.! I'm on "A." for "Accepted." I am so accepted, and you are too -- even if you're a boy reading this or a man or father or however you would describe yourself. I've got some blocks that need to be torn down between me and God. I have been here this whole time loving the work God's done in my life, which is so good; in reality, there's a lot more that needs to be done. I'm not truly trusting Him with my heart and His plans for one day "meeting Mr. Right." I've experienced healing from past relationships, I've grown in selflessness and grown out of selfishness (no, I'm sure not fully), I can now see myself married to someone one day soon rather than how I used to think about marriage -- 10 plausible years down the road. Well, Miss Maddie, do you not find your acceptance in Him? I am never, never, ever rejected by God. I am praised by Him and welcomed by Him. My Daddy. God's changed my heart toward that one special relationship, and now I give Him my timing and hopes. 1 Samuel 12:22 I am His and no other's. As I almost wrote "for now," I change it to "now" I am fully content in that knowledge and choose to walk in faith. "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Snakes in the Cafe -- Well now, Maddie. That's deceiving. That snake was welcome in the cafe. After school, I was running an errand and walking past the cafe. I heard all of these kids squealing with excitement and nervousness, and I looked over to see Chad holding a boa around his neck. I jumped up with my own excitement to pet it with an "Awww" sound releasing from my mouth. He asked me if I wanted to hold it, and of course my answer was yes! I carried it around, as it continued to constrict itself into a smaller form close to my neck, in perfect snake-like form. Kids wanted to see, wanted to touch -- and quickly pull away. They asked me so many questions I didn't really know the answer to, but I have to say, those snake-holding moments topped my list of best moments of the day. A 3rd grader had brought it to school for Chad to let go behind his house in the mountains. We don't have poisonous snakes here, only poisonous spiders. A friend asked what would happen if he bit me. I said, well, it would hurt but he's not poisonous. And there's comfort in that, right?

Staff Awards -- Today, we had to turn in a form filled out with our nominees for staff awards in true Doulos style. The categories were for one winner in each of the Outward Bound Expeditionary Learning Design Principles, for an overall best teacher and "Doulos of the Year" (see Philippians 2:5-8) staffer, and for each of the following character traits: Honesty, Self-Control, Trustworthiness, Humility, Faithfulness, Patience/Perseverance, Love, Goodness, and Kindness.

Done. And DONE.